Guilty voice

TS high school
The only way, we as humans, communicate and understand each other… is also the very thing that can tear us apart.
Personally, I’m a girl filled with emotions but would rather keep those expressions of fear, love and happiness inside because of the fear of being judged and misunderstood. I’m very sensitive about the feelings of other people and this has went on for the longest time already. However, there are times that one must break down and express their extreme emotions in a certain way. Some people would opt to shout it out or drink their emotions away with bottles of beer or vodka; there are some people who are more artistic and would rather write poems, draw landscapes or people, paint abstract manifestations of their complicated emotions. These different ways of venting and expressing are the very things that separates us from other people and are one of the core foundations of being an “individual”.

It’s so nice to be able to express yourself freely because the burden of having to suffer intense emotions and problems all on your own is quite a heavy death sentence on someone. “No man is an island” is what we always say to those people who would desperately try to shut themselves from the world in an attempt to heal. However, I have noticed that we aren’t truly free as they say… or as Jean-Paul Sarte would say. We are condemned to this “Freedom” we oh-so-love to call… this freedom which has a heavy responsibility that comes with it; the responsibility of having to answer for our actions.

In a recent experience, I have used my “freedom of speech and expression” in the undying popular social network that we are all guilty of having an account in. I made a simple joke… a joke that is not meant to be taken too seriously. If you have ever heard of “the-most-annoying-people-in-the-internet”, I guess I’ve been labeled as that for a simple status. You see, a teenager cannot help but comment about his or her own “love life” because in the most obvious reason, it’s one of the young adults’ anxiety. It is also one of the most interesting topic because we are unsure of the outcomes and there’s always a chance that things might go the potential couple’s way, so why not talk about such things? In my case, I’ve become the undying consultant when it comes to life and love and personally, I don’t think it’s such a bad thing… until I realized I didn’t actually have a love life of my own.

we are doomed to forever experience suffering... as long we live.

we are doomed to forever experience suffering… as long we live.

…So I joked about it.
bad idea.

My male friends didn’t take that joke too lightly. One of them said there are more things to focus on rather than love life, the other said if I’m going to post about negatives I should give up on the idea and the other one made a snide sarcastic comment on this social network encouraging people to post about love life again. Well, I just wanted someone mature to talk to… someone who would understand… but apparently I won’t get the chance that night. I will not deny the truth their opinions contain but I could not help but feel judged for such a simple thing. The first one is like a slap to my face telling me that I am too involved in trivial matters, the second one denied me of my freedom to express negative emotions (should humans always be happy all the time? can we not express our disappointment at all?) and the last one was just too involved in the internet. He probably sides with the people who think that expressive people are annoying. (well, we’ll never truly know)

This event is a perfect example of “cursed to be free”

As a result of my will to express myself freely due to my “freedom”, I had to answer to the consequences of my actions which is the three comments from the friends whom I thought would understand me. My fear came true, I was misinterpreted, judged and looked down to. This is probably not a new case in the modern age of the internet, which makes it all the more heart-breaking. It’s so easy for everyone to judge our expression without hesitation nor consideration for what the person might be going through. Our way of expressing ourselves now has to fit the norm of the internet; we should not be part of “the-most-annoying-people-in-the-internet” because if we act the way they do… we are bound to be forever condemned and ostracized.


A consequence which no one is deserving of.